Hello, hello! Douglas Adams here. Just kidding, it's Steven – your friendly neighbourhood photographer. I've been snapping pics since before my face could sprout hair, and I take my inspiration from the theatrical and dramatic paintings of the Pre-Raphaelite artists. I'm obsessed with light, and I never settle for mediocrity.

Now, let me be real sincere with you - My mind is like a runaway train, careening with visions that often derail. A constant battle between pursuing perfection and just getting the damn shot. I'm always yammering on about the properties of light in any given environment, but somehow, I manage to capture images that my portrait subjects absolutely adore.

I love what I do, even if it means I'm constantly appropriating the "broke artist" life. But hey, I've got a Masters Degree in Visual Art and Design to back up my passion, so at least I'm not just some random man from the Internet with a camera. I've got three of them!

Here's the thing – I'm not here to make a fortune. I'm here to work with you to create something truly unique and special. And yeah, if you want to give me some cash in exchange for your image, that'd be great. But whether you're paying me or not, I'm always down to collude and bring your vision to life.

So don't be shy – confidently fill out that little form below with all the reasons we should create magic together, and let's get started. I promise I won't ignore your inquiry. Unless I'm elbow-deep in a pizza or tinkering with some new lighting equipment. There's also the chance that I'm being held captive by a feline master, and perhaps one day, I can escape. Please help.